Is Beige the New Black?

When I was very young I remember asking a friend’s sister if she was ill, because the colour of her complexion had changed so dramatically. Following a number of implausible excuses, she finally admitted that she had been using skin lightener on her face because, “It’s the only way I’m going to get on in […]

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Witchfinder General: Vincent Price as a Monster

In 1967, Vincent Price travelled to Britain to make low-budget horror, Witchfinder General (1968). Unfortunately, he wasn’t the first choice for the role. It was a predicament which 24-year-old director Michael Reeves mercilessly used to his advantage. Set in 1645, during extreme turbulence and lawlessness exacerbated by the English Civil War, the opening scenes depict […]

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Love Letter to Laurel and Hardy

In the distant past when the arrival of December heralded the countdown to Christmas and not as contemporary mores decree, the festooning of department store windows with tinsel and assorted Winter Wonderlands in September; the onset of depressingly dark, frosty mornings also signalled a double bill of classic shorts featuring the Grandmasters of Slapstick; Messrs. […]

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No, My Name isn’t Big Bird.

I am resigned to sitting at home, marinating in my own ineptitude, stuffing my face with obscene quantities of black forest gateau and pickled onion monster munch, accompanied by my ever-expanding big fat tub of lard arse, weeping at repeats of The Bachelor, whilst reminiscing over what could have been if only my inside leg measurement wasn’t 36 inches long.

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